"It's a "Porch-uh"" (ikazuchi)
09/05/2013 at 23:27 • Filed to: Top Gear
1
0|
"It's a "Porch-uh"" (ikazuchi)
09/05/2013 at 23:27 • Filed to: Top Gear | 1
| 0 |
This was waiting for me when I got home.
Here's an excerpt:
How to drive an Audi
1. Become a recruitment consultant. Or maybe an estate agent. Either is good. Basically, you just need to work in an industry that attracts terrible human beings, and which the human race has inexplicably allowed to flourish, even though, if you think about it, we could manage perfectly well without them.
2. Prepare for the delivery of your new company car by applying 5 kilos of 'product' to your hair and fitting yourself with one of those headcock Bluetooth in-ear things. Also, go out and buy a massive, chunky watch and a pair of wrap-around sunglasses.
3. Get the keys to your Audi. Go to the nearest motorway and spend the all day driving up and down it at a distance of no more than 3mm from the back bumper of the car in front.
4. Completely ignore the fact that everyone else on the road thinks you are a vile, pushy little twerp, and utterly hates you (apart from BMW drivers, who are just thankful you've taken the heat off them, at last).
5. Some years later, die alone.
Sorry my Audi-driving friends. I haven't been through the entire book yet, and that was one of the funnier ones I've found. Everybody on here claims I park like an asshat just because I drive a BMW, so I have no sympathy.